He seems like the perfect man. Kind, handsome, smart, all a woman could ask for in a potential mate. Single fathers are becoming increasingly common, but many women are still surprised when they meet a man and find out he is raising his children alone. For some women, this is not an issue at all, they welcome the idea; for others, this can be a hard thing to get used to. Following are some tips for dating a single dad.
Knowing Personal Relationship Limits
Before even going on a date with a single father, a woman should take a long, hard look at herself. It's easy to get excited over a new man and push away any doubts with thoughts like, "It'll be fine, I'll get used to that..." This can apply to any number of issues within a new relationship, but in this case, to getting used to being around someone else's kids. The fact is, not everyone loves kids.
For women who truly don't enjoy being around children, they may well grow to resent the time required to be spent with a boyfriend's child. Some women may love children, but if their own children are older and out of the house, starting over with young children may not be a welcome idea. The key is in women knowing themselves and what they want and can deal with in a relationship.
New Relationship With a Single Father
In a new relationship, it's easy to get swept away by the romance and warm, fuzzy feelings. Some women love the idea of an instant family. But the decision of when to introduce a new girlfriend to his children and to what extent he wants to involve someone new in his family's life has to be the man's. Men are sometimes cautious of letting their children get attached to a new partner, as they don't want the child to be sad or dissappointed if the relationship doesn't work out. This must be respected.
Dating a Custodial Dad
Once the relationship is established, things may become even more complicated. If the child's mother is in the picture, it can make for some awkward moments in the beginning of the relationship. If at all possible, it's a good idea to try and get along with the boyfriend's ex. Admittedly, this can be difficult. In most relationships, it's not necessary to even meet a partner's ex.
However, when there are children involved, it's often unavoidable, especially if the relationship becomes serious. In that case, it is beneficial for the child if all the adults in his or her life can get along, and it will make things much smoother in the long run as far as working out vacations and visitation schedules if there is no animosity.
Something else that is important to remember is boundaries with other people's children. It's often hard to refrain from giving parenting advice and trying to change routines and schedules if it seems like something else would work better. While there is nothing wrong with casually offering suggestions, the final decisions rest with the children's parents.
One of the things that will make a relationship with a single father more likely to succeed is to attempt to be flexible. Plans are rarely set in stone when young children are involved. A romantic weekend away can be called off in an instant if a child develops a fever and is too sick to go to the babysitter. Formal dinner parties may be shelved for the moment in favor of pizza and movie nights.
Dating a single dad has some challenges, but can also be immensely rewarding. Men who are raising their children on their own are often sensitive, kind, and family oriented, desirable traits in a mate to many women. Just remember to know what is desired in a relationship, respect boundaries, and be flexible, and it's possible to have a long and happy relationship with a single father.
Kathy Gleason - Kathy Gleason is a wife, mother and writer living in rural northern New Jersey. She is a graduate of The Institute for Therapeutic Massage ...
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